too good.

So i've come to the conclusion; The nice guys always finish last. IF they even finish at all.

im sorry. for every negative i try to find 3 positives. but at this point in my life i cant. i dont know what to do :( i feel like im walking on stilts. scared to even breath. i really do have such a big heart. and i wear it on my sleeve like its the new fashion. but i feel like im being tested everyday. i trust someone just a smidge and OF COURSE something happens. it really hurts too.
maybe i give out too many chances. but im a believer everyone deserves a second chance.

however this time around im starting to think differently. ive been hurt so much lately. i NEVER cry and i feel like its all ive been doing. my heart racing faster and faster as every tear drop streams down my face. ive TRUELY learned. you cant trust anybody. not a good friend, not a guy, not even family. and turns out, the ones you'd least expect to hurt you? are the first ones to do it. ive learned never believe what someone says, because actions speak louder then words. and just today. all the trust i might of had for anyone has been thrown out the window completely.

ive learned love, is just an emotion that the mind makes up. it isnt real. i also learned being single the rest of my life isnt all that bad. because id honestly choose dying old with nobody by my side then being killed by the amount of stress im always put under in a relationship.

i dont think anyone understands how much ive endured. i get the twisting and churning in my stomach, the fire burning in the pit of my tummy. the tears rolling down my face. and me sitting here puzzeled wondering why. i get goosebumps, and shake. my teeth even chatter sometimes. i feel a chill down my spine and a sharp pain in my chest. its beyondd what would happen in a movie. yet i try to wake up every morning and put it all in the past. i dont believe in holding grudges. i believe in forgiving because thats what god would do. choosing to forget is up to you. although thats just a figure of speech because there is no way you can honestly forget.

ive learned no matter how nice you are to people, it dont matter. they will STILL treat you like shit. because everyone is an asshole. i take time out of my day to at least make someone smile. yet i NEVER get anything in return. just pain and heartache. pain is enevitable but suffering is an option, and that is why im going to get it all out now so i dont have to ever come back to it. because i will not suffer and pay for other people being dickheads.

ive learned the mintue someone tells you they wont hurt you ? its a double negative & they will.

ive learned that the word promise ? is also made up. nobody EVER keeps their promises. So yes, it is complete bullshit and if your sitting here saying you keep yours? your a bullshiter.

ive learned that NO, not every guy is the same. but one way or another down the line one WILL hurt you. and if your a girl and you believe what they say? yes, you will be in for a rude awakening. guys watch out because girls could and most will hurt you too.

ive learned just when you think you really know somebody, your wrong.

ive learned tho, that you should always ride any situation out and see where it takes you. you never know what could happen along the way. if your really commited in a relationship maybe you should stick it out..

because ive learned nobody is perfect and alot of people are very far from it. if you let it go to soon you will miss it dearly and the pain could be far worse then what it was. so TRY and put everything aside and make it work. people make mistakes it is life. you learn from them, grow from them.

however, GIRLS, ive learned. NEVER hide your feelings and pretend like everything is ok. because take my word. it gets nowhere & eats you up inside. it might fix things at that point and time but the same situation could and probably will happen again. talk it out, fix things. lets it be known how you feel so things are crystal clear. then like i said ride it out for a little bit and if nothing changed. then although it might not be what you want, leave.

sometimes i wonder how i got here. is it my fault? because of me being so nice and having such a big heart i let it get so bad? or is it people just take advantage of me every chance they get.

ive learned that sometimes you have to be your own hero. and stop relying on everyone else.

however i know i can make it through, depsite everything. i will just keep waking up with a smile on my face and keep praying that life will get better and people will learn and mature.


and me writing this... made me realize. i cant hold something over someones head forever. people mess up its life, accept it because you gotta make it through the rain to get to the rainbow. anywaysssss. i feel like this is fucking pointless...

so fuck this wholeeeeeeee bloggggggggggg !! ignore it all.