insecure .

Lately im constantly being told im "the perfect girl" that any guy would want. But really. I dont think anyone see the truth. I mean dont get me wrong. I deffinatley dont care if my guy wants to go out with his friends and have fun, i respect people enough to let them have their space because I know what it feel's like to have no space. Although sometimes I do get nervous. What if a girl comes by who in their eyes is prettier then me? Cooler then me? A girl that can make them laugh more? See my problem is im insecure.... When it comes to those things at least. I try so hard not to sweat those things though . I mean if my guy has a girl FRIEND thats fine. I respect that. However im not gonna sit here and say I dont worry about it. Because I do.

And I usually take the blame for everything because I feel you should always be grown enough to admit what happened BUT this time.. im pretty sure I was the innocent victim .

Honestly though. The whole thing with my dad made me feel really insecure. Like no one would ever want to touch me after that happened. I mean thats why I dont really tell people but fuck it. OH ! And not to mention the mental and emotinal abuse I took from someone else. Completely lowered my self esteem unbelievably . I do try to play it off though. Sometimes I come off cocky almost. Though might I say im deff NOT. Thats why after everything I think a good majority of my relationships dont work; because of those two people. Im too insecure to let someone in & hella scared their gonna cheat on me. Or i'll give them my genuine all but they just leave with not a care in the world, or they will take advantage of me and try to pull off what my ex did.

I was bruised so bad my confidence became bruised.

However, I grew alot. I appreciate everything that had EVER happened to me. Simply because it made me the person I am today. Every wicked past leads to a "beautiful" person. Because its whats makes the beautiful. So NOT once will you see me being ungrateful. Not everyone is perfect although we'd like to think otherwise. So yes, I have some flaw, but im trying to improve them.