not living to please you.

i risked everything for you. i bent over backwards when im not even flexable. and for what ? me to be left in the cold with shivers down my spine lonely, left in the dark where nobody can find me? i trust very few for many reasons. i give you a little and you run with it. i can only endure so much pain. im no super human although that would be nice. its time i release this pressure. when all of it is iver i end up hurt? who was i living for, you or me?! or was it even living. you FUCKED me over. (pardon my french] im not gonna lie though. you led me on good, so i give you a round of applause. i thought i loved you so i took the abuse. you boast to your friends every little thing. like you have to build this super ego. i was hurt so bad i questioned my exsistance. but thats not who i am and thats why i owned up to everything and kicked you to the curb. i dont even have the words to explain how i felt.

well do you friends know how when we were alone you use to smack me around? pushed me down the stairs? bunched me in the chest to were i couldnt even breath! i blacked out, what if you would have killed me? what if you woulda done then? your 6'4 im 5'3 ! your a fucking football player and hands down deffinately not a match for me to take. i would go home to my mom with makeup on my face trying to cover the bruising. but i stuck around cause i remembered how you use to be. i kept praying in the back of my mind everything will get better, the stress will flee from your mind and the old you would return. remember that day i caught you cheating with one of my good friends and i questioned you about it. you got so pissed you turned around and pinned me on the wall, grabbed my neck and squeezed like you were squeezing the pulp out of an orange. a blood vessel popped in my eye, i started to see black, my knees gave out and i fell on the floor. so you picked me up and dropped me in the shower? busted my elbow then turned ice cold water on to wake me up. remember that?

i was so scared of you. i knew you were cheating on me but i never questioned you cause i didnt want you to beat my ass. but im not afraid anymore. in fact i think your pathetic. looking back at everything i dont know what you would have done without me. i defended you through everything. when you owed money to "boss man" .. thats what we will call him. and i got my people from tampa on him so he wouldnt hurt you? i shoulda just let you get killed. what about the time i helped get you out of jail? smh, i shoulda just let you rot.

everyone knew something was wrong but i was too afraid to cry out for help. but that last day i saw you and i told you i was leaving you. you ran after me but i had 15 different people waiting to go after YOU. it felt good seeing you get the shit kicked out of you.

too this day i have no regrets, except one.. meeting you & never leaving.