everyone has 3 lifes .

A PUBLIC LIFE, PRIVATE LIFE, & A SECRET LIFE !

soo i've recently realized you only can count on YOURSELF . just when you think you trust somebody your WRONG . at the end of the day its just you . cause you cant rely on everyone else. maybe sometimes you have to stop waiting for someone to come around and fix whats wrong. maybe you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself & realize that nobody else has the answer, sometimes you hae to be your own hero .

life is a beautiful thing, but its all a game like chess. and you have to learn when the best time is to make the best move . you have to be self made. nobdoy else can build you up. just YOU ! life is short . dont stress over things that arnt worth it . i use to be one of those people who always argued with everything i didnt agree with .

but i realized people are people . they think what they want . not everyone can be what i want them to be . i feel like a smart cookie (:

favorite quote : when i started flirting with hustle , failure became my ex. now im married to the game & sleeping with success .

barbie ?!

soooo, i earned the new nick name barbie which i think is really cute. and damn did it catch on ! everyone calling me that. its kind of funny considering marlon is the one who gave me that name lmfao . longg storyy . i was thinking though ... cause i was on myspace and i saw some girls about me who was shit talking barbie . but she did have a point.

everyone now a days is some sort of "barbieeee" and i dont get why anyone would want to be a barbie considering they are fake and plastic ? but who knows. everything is ovr rated . i was given the nick name, and i dont really remeber how. but for the record. im NOT fake nor plastic nor do i want to be like anybody else.

lalala anywayssss ...

DAMN ! i cant wait for winter time, my love is comming to see me from florida !
i miss her ohdeeee. we are gonna rule the world ! we got a list & we must follow it lol. we use to have so many great memories. like breaking into my old house and getting busted by the cops, or stealing a random cell phone and this girls dad was bitchin at us. OR ! when i was hanging out the second story window at 6 am yelling at the police helicopter. faraby: keakea get your ass back in this fucking house they are gonna shoot you ! keakea: stfu ! i wanna see what they will dooooo ! nana: wtf you still arnt asleep.. finally we take a 10 min nap to reup and we leave, off to another adventure. omgg remember that time i got free perfume in the mail so we went into the library elivator and sprayed it EVERYWEHRE and we made our own ggas mask things lmfao ! we couldnt even breath ahahahaaa . omfg or when we were at the park by the courthouse and that guy was stalking us ! shi was crazy but damn we have some crazy times. we have been friends foreverrrrrr . and NEVER got in a fight. then again we have nothing to argue about, we are complete opposites lmfao. which is good. i cant wait till we get our own house with nanny cams to spy on our men ! lmfaoooooo. they wont wanna take a piss .

anywayssss P E A C E !

pick me apart piece by piece .

just a quick thought .

this feeling is making my stomach ache, love struck or IN love? there is a big difference as a wise man once told me.

love-struck is a temporary condition which excites your emotions and tricks the mind into thinking your in love but this is only temporary. in love is a serious condition in which the heart occasionally skips a beat, causes light headiness, and makes it tough to breathe.

all i know is it causes extreme heartache. and the symptoms of heartache are chest pains, uncontrollable tears, rapid breathing, loneliness, and vivid dreams in which i re-experience our "together days" then soon wake up to the cruel reality. i wish you understood that which ever one it is this feeling is PAIN !

do you get pleasure out of my pain ? i dont understand...

!@#$%^&*

today was a good day. the pain i had is now i faint memory. i went to six flags. it was greattt (: some guy tried talking to me ?

damn his pick up line was weak. "damn ma you got a nice ass back there come talk to me!" i was like my dude ! that is NOT how you holla at a girl , let alone me. im not a skeeza so dont come at me with that rude shit, ugh i hate it -__-

anyways , i got a cute little tan which is good (: my ass is still casper though =X
kinda sucks lmfaoo , guess ill go to a tanning salon for that .

anywaysss , so for those who dont know i just moved up to springfield, MA . way different then being in orlando and im not gonna lie i miss it dearly . but i felt it was time for a change, and in order to do that i need to go to an enviroment where i dont know anybody . i got here , and right away met a few people. some are friendly others look at me like im an alien, they could tell im not from up north lol. anywho, after some time of being done with school and not knowing what to do, i now know :D in the fall im going to school for cosmotology. im ohdee excited i cant wait.

i was recomended to go to a school in philly BUT i just got here , i dont want to leave just yet, so im going to stay close by. then after some time i might venture off.

well anyways, my tummy hurts and so do my legs, i think im gonna go sleep it off.

<3 KeaKeaaaaaa !

not living to please you.

i risked everything for you. i bent over backwards when im not even flexable. and for what ? me to be left in the cold with shivers down my spine lonely, left in the dark where nobody can find me? i trust very few for many reasons. i give you a little and you run with it. i can only endure so much pain. im no super human although that would be nice. its time i release this pressure. when all of it is iver i end up hurt? who was i living for, you or me?! or was it even living. you FUCKED me over. (pardon my french] im not gonna lie though. you led me on good, so i give you a round of applause. i thought i loved you so i took the abuse. you boast to your friends every little thing. like you have to build this super ego. i was hurt so bad i questioned my exsistance. but thats not who i am and thats why i owned up to everything and kicked you to the curb. i dont even have the words to explain how i felt.

well do you friends know how when we were alone you use to smack me around? pushed me down the stairs? bunched me in the chest to were i couldnt even breath! i blacked out, what if you would have killed me? what if you woulda done then? your 6'4 im 5'3 ! your a fucking football player and hands down deffinately not a match for me to take. i would go home to my mom with makeup on my face trying to cover the bruising. but i stuck around cause i remembered how you use to be. i kept praying in the back of my mind everything will get better, the stress will flee from your mind and the old you would return. remember that day i caught you cheating with one of my good friends and i questioned you about it. you got so pissed you turned around and pinned me on the wall, grabbed my neck and squeezed like you were squeezing the pulp out of an orange. a blood vessel popped in my eye, i started to see black, my knees gave out and i fell on the floor. so you picked me up and dropped me in the shower? busted my elbow then turned ice cold water on to wake me up. remember that?

i was so scared of you. i knew you were cheating on me but i never questioned you cause i didnt want you to beat my ass. but im not afraid anymore. in fact i think your pathetic. looking back at everything i dont know what you would have done without me. i defended you through everything. when you owed money to "boss man" .. thats what we will call him. and i got my people from tampa on him so he wouldnt hurt you? i shoulda just let you get killed. what about the time i helped get you out of jail? smh, i shoulda just let you rot.

everyone knew something was wrong but i was too afraid to cry out for help. but that last day i saw you and i told you i was leaving you. you ran after me but i had 15 different people waiting to go after YOU. it felt good seeing you get the shit kicked out of you.

too this day i have no regrets, except one.. meeting you & never leaving.